Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
