when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
