i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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