so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
