i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize