i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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