Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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