8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
