the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
