i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize