Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
