He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
a search helicopter?!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
