i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He passed out mid-signature
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
