thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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