We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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