I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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