i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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