I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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