i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
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