I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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