hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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