do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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