She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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