Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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