ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
