So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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