Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
