On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm too high and old for this...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize