and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
