Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
