I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
