Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
