He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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