Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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