when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
