I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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