I think I died a long time ago.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize