Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
