i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
