Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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