Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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