You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
