it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
