Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
