he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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