Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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