Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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