better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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