What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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