Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
