I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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