New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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