i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
