life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
