Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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