At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
