does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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