We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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