i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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