so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
