There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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