my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she woke up with a sticky ear
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This baby is an asshole
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
