Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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