I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
