talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
