so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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