I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
