i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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