she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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