Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
