Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
