Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
