I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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