You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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