matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
