I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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