So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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