I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
