I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
