The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
