FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
