To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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