what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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