when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
