Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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