He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
