apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
