you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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