Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(928): View more from Arizona

Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.

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(917): View more from New York City

Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library

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(804): View more from Virginia

Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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(417): View more from Missouri

New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.

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(818): View more from California

My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text

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(989): View more from Michigan

These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.

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(514): View more from Quebec

I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...

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(916): View more from California

Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking

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