I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
