Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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