I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
