"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
