Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
