You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
