so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
