I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
