We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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