My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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