problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
