probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
