she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
